It still hasn't stopped hurting. Nothing has remained the same.

The fall of the two towers and the deaths of so many Americans is first in everyone's thoughts today. I mourn all that we lost five years ago.

Husband RJ called to say, "You'd better turn on the TV." I don't remember the rest of the conversation. A crystal-clear morning backdropped the burning horror ruining the overhead view of Manhattan. The same view I loved when flying in and out of JFK or LaGuardia.

The phone rang again. A coworker called to tell me our beloved supervisor, Carolyn Myles, had died the night before of asthma.

Then the first tower went down. I said, "Oh, no!" over and over, as thousands of people died in the falling floors. I went to the paper. Things were already busy, and there were grief counselors padding softly up to one person, then another. I waved them away. Carolyn would have done just that, so I did.

My coworker, Lisa, was saying that her upcoming wedding would be postponed. I turned to her and said (perhaps a little too angrily) "Then whoever did this will have won! Don't cancel the date! We need your wedding to help us carry on!"

It took me three days to locate my college buddy Elinor, a lawyer working on the edge of the financial district. She'd been out sick, and was okay. I could stop worrying.

Heaven keep the 9/11 dead; Carolyn, we still miss you every day; Lisa, thank you for your wedding, with its moment of silent prayer for the dead. We did carry on.

I wasn't going to blog at all about 9/11, because it hurts too much. But it hurts too much not to blog it. It just plain hurts.

God Bless America!